Stop. Relax and Listen..

Every once in a while you get tired and all you wanna do is lie on your bed while listening to sorrowful,gloomy, tragic love song and be sad for no apparent reason. Listening to sad songs should leave us feeling terrible, we have a tendency to actually kind of like them. I do this everytime. "hahahahah"

Accdg to study,"Even if listeners experience negative emotions when listening to sad music, sweet anticipation might still allow them to feel positive emotions, Even if the music itself is perceived as negative, and negative emotion is aroused in listeners in part, we have a tendency to experience ambivalent emotions by concurrently feeling pleased by virtue of our cognitive appraisal."

Listening to someone else sing about his or her sadness is a vicarious experience, so the sadness we feel isn't as threatening to our well-being. Sooooo...We can just sit back and enjoy someone else's heartbreak.

So here is a by-no-means-definitive playlist of sad tunes, a Playlist that I always like to listen, it is from the Dreamsound: I also add some random wretched sad songs. 

Enjoy being miserable! HA HA HA

1. I Can't Make You love Me -  Bonnie Raitt (Cheesy but Sad. A tormenting unrequited love?! Geez!) 
2. Have You Ever - Brandy (ouch!)
3. Cry Me A River - ( about someone who cheated? Sad, but hey It's JT! Just dance with it,you can't stay sad forever, right?)
4. Smile - Tamia ( yeah! pretend you're happy and it doesn't hurt!)
5. What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts ( Need I say more?)

Dreamsounds 1

Because Of You - Keith Martin

Home - Brian McKnight

Make Me Whole - Amel Larrieux

Don't Change - Musiq Soulchild

For You - Kenny Lattimore

I Won't Cry - Profyle

Negative Things - Selwyn

All My Love - Innervoices

I'll Wait Right Here - Jersey Ave

Something To See - Glenn Lewis

If You're Not The One (Acoustic) - Daniel Beddingfield

You First Believe - Hoku

I'm Missing You- Case

You're The One I Love - Jesse Powell

Dreamsounds 2

Dream of Me - Kirsten Dunst 

Without You - Charlie Wilson 

Visions of a Sunset – Shawn Stockman 

Don’t Wanna Try – Frankie J. 

Cry No More (I’ll Be There 4 U) – Kino Watson 

Doin’ Just Fine – Boyz II Men 

Color of Love – Sam Salter 

Whenever, Wherever, Whatever – Maxwell 

When Will It Be Me – Yasmeen 

Miss You – Aaliyah 

If I Was the One – Ruff Endz 

Lonely – Public Announcement 

Be the One – Tony Rich Project 

Stick Around – Azure 

Fly Away – Jaze

Dreamsounds 3

Lemar - What About Love?

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You (Acoustic)

John Legend - Ordinary People

Boyz II Men - Oh Well

Usher - Separated

Legaci - Ready For Love

Brownflava - Come Back

Heather Headley - I Wish I Wasn't

Joe - Another Used To Be

Ginuwine - Differences

 Kevon Edmonds - A Girl Like You

3LW - Curious

Verse - Let's Make Love

6th Day - 6th Day Medley

Donell Jones - Come Back

Shanice - Fall For You

Dreamsounds 4

1. Close To Heaven-Color Me Badd

 2. Everytime-Tatyana Ali

3. For You-Kenny Lattimore

4. Hey Blue-Tony Rich Project

5. I Cry Real Real Tears-Eternal

6. I Don’t Wanna Be Lonely-Az Yet

7. If I Knew-Fra Lippo Lippi

8. Missing You-Brandy and Tamia

9. Moonlight Over Paris-Peter Mayer

10. Never Lie-Immature

11. On Bended Knee- Boyz II Men

12. Tender Love-Amyth

13. The One I Gave My Heart To-Aaliyah

14. You Were There-Babyface 

Dreamsounds 5

1. Beautiful Girl-Kenny Lattimore

2. For Your Love-Tevin Campbell

3. Heaven-Nu Flavor

4. I Care About You-Milestone

5. I’ll remember-Madonna

6. Lately-KC and Jojo

7. Miss You-Aaliyah

8. Missing You-Tony Rich Project

9. Moonlight Over Paris-Vanessa Williams

10. Not Ready For Goodbye-All-4-One

11. Sitting Here-Pure Harmony

12. Sorry Song-Brian McKnight

13. The Arms Of The One Who Loves You-Xscape

14. Think Of Aaliyah-Boyz II Men

15. When I See You Smile-Uncle Sam

16. Wonderful Tonight-Serenade

Dreamsounds 6

1. All Out Of Love- Jagged Edge

2. Angel of Mine-Eternal

3. Fall Again-Glenn Lewis

4. For Your Love-Charlie Wilson

5. I’d Rather-Luther Vandross

6. I’ll Be Over You-The Sundays

7. I’ll Be There For You-Kino Watson

8. Loveable-Kenny Lattimore

9. Maybe I Deserve-Tank

10. Most Beautiful Girl-Nu Flavor

11. Never Find Someone Like You-Keith Martin

12. Sex Is On My Mind-Blulight

13. Someone To Live-Jon B and Babyface

14. Still Be Loving You-Damage

15. These Arms-All-4-One

16. Two Occasions-Deele

17. Understanding-Xscape

Dreamsounds 7

Baby I'm Yours-Shai

Come Breath Me-1728

Constantly-Vanessa Williams

Dance With My Father-Luther Vandross

Don't Wanna Try-Frankie J.

Endlessly-B44

Falling-Keahiwai

I Wish I Wasn't-Heather Headley

I Won't Cry-Profyle

I'll Give My Love To You-Voices of Theory

Knocks Me Off My Feet-Donell Jones

Love Will Be Waiting-Kevon Edmonds

Moonlight Over Paris-Paolo Santos

Officially Missing You-Tamia

Purest of Pain-Son By Four

So Wonderful-Devotion

Dreamsounds 8

Around You-Tribe of Levi

Brokenhearted-Boyz II Men and Brandy

Can You Stand In The Rain-New Edition

How Did We End Up Here-B44

If I Were You-Tamia

I'll Be Waiting-Voices of Theory

Just To Be Close To You-Trey Lorenz

My Kind OF Girl-Brian McKnight

Need You-Devotion

On My Own-Whitney Houston

Overjoyed-Profyle

Saying I Love You-Ruff Endz

Superman-Shawn Desman

The Sweetest Days-Vanessa Wiliams

Till My Heartaches End-Arnee

oxox

Being a Girlfriend.

Being a girlfriend is not just about being beautiful and attractive for your guy. It’s not just about letting him chase you, letting him do sweet things every time you’re mad at him and not just receiving flowers and gifts during your anniversaries. It’s not about doing those girly things just to get his attention and not just about feeling mighty every time he did everything you want. It’s also being an emotional partner wherein you support him in every opportunity that he takes, you appreciate everything that he does for you and you thank him for doing it, you remind him on the things he must do and what he must not. Just because you know that you can always keep him on his feet, doesn’t mean you can manipulate him. You understand him not just as a partner but as individual too. you help him in every way showing him, that in a relationship, there’s no “I” or “you”, there’s only “we” and “us”. You know also that a man has their ego, and even when it become a little irritating sometimes, you still understand that it’s a part of his nature. A girlfriend is not just a term, it also has responsibilities that every girl must know. You’re a friend, a sister, a second mom, a teacher, and a best friend. 

As always..Grow in love.

When a person says “I need you, I can’t live without you” does that mean they really love you?  The simple answer is NO!  This statement more likely represents someone in a dependency state of one kind or another.  It even may reveal someone experiencing the rather extreme state of infantile dependency and mistakenly thinking it’s love.  Infants cannot survive without the real love and care of adults.  Adults can.  Unfortunately in romance some people emotionally regress into a more infantile dependency-like state.  They literally feel they need and cannot live without a certain other person.  That person is to be their devoted, emotional caretaker – much like a loving mother with an infant.

If you hear someone seriously tell you “I need you.  I can’t live without you.” they actually may be subconsciously asking you to become their parent and to let them become your child emotionally.  This is not, and is not likely to become healthy adult-to-adult love.  In adult love I do not addictively and regressively ‘need’ you.  Rather, as an adult, I can live without you, and instead of needing you I choose to ‘want’ you in my life.  It’s a free will choice instead of a dependency-based compulsion.  Let me suggest that for adults being wanted is much better than being needed.  Mature adults are self-dependent, unless they are disabled or otherwise debilitated.  Adults can use help but are not dependently needy of it.  Mature adults form mutually equality-based, interdependent unions, not addictive co-dependent or infantile, dependency-based, parasitical-like relationships.

If you are an able-bodied and able-minded adult the hard but good truth is you can survive, you can take care of yourself, and if you lose a loved one you eventually can recover, and if you wish you can find another to love and to be loved by.  Yes, you may hurt enormously without a particular person you love, and you may hurt for quite a long while.  However, you also can go on to recover and get back to a state of healthful okayness even though it is extremely difficult, especially at first.  Thus, for functioning adults “I can’t live without you” is false.

Now, it must be noted that someone simply saying “I need you and can’t live without you” is not enough evidence upon which to make a judgment.  However, it may be a clue to take into account along with other evidence when evaluating a relationship.

Many suicides seem to happen in the more extreme “I can’t live without you” mind-set. These occur when the person they think they love rejects them, probably because of expanding dependency and its usual accompanying dysfunctional, obsessive possessiveness.  Evidence suggests that most of these suicides would not happen with the right kind of therapy.  Most also would not happen with greater maturity and self-love development.  Also, there is evidence that points to the fact that most of these suicides probably would not occur if people just were able to stay alive for another six to eight weeks.  However, the pain of rejection and what feels like parental abandonment can be so intense as to seem unbearable.  The person experiencing this often can be saved by the love of friends and family, by experiencing strong spiritual love, and by the unique love relationship that sometimes grows in certain kinds of psychotherapy.  In addition there are medications that can be helpful.

Most people saying the “I can’t live without you” statement probably are just trying to emphasize how much they feel love for someone.  They, therefore, are not to be taken as speaking literal truth.  They might be saying it lightheartedly or just because it seems like the romantic thing to say.  Of course, some might say it as a seduction or manipulation effort.  Usually only when said with serious literal meaning does it becomes something to worry about.

Severe “I can’t live without you” mental states can be dangerous, sometimes to the point of physical abuse or even homicide if the person who is depended upon threatens or tries to leave.  So, be careful and get professional advise if you find yourself wanting to leave a relationship with a severely needy, co-dependent person.  When there is infantile dependency in a person with an adult body there can be a danger of physical violence.  The infantile mind-set in an adult body can inflict on others very destructive temper tantrum behavior.  If alcohol, drugs or even some medicines which lower self-regulation are added to the infantile dependence mind-set the danger potential can be quite high.  With infantile dependency, misidentified as romantic love, there also can be obsessive compulsive behavior which sometimes results in stalking which sometimes ends with violence.  Therefore, if the “I love you and can’t live without you” theme is predominant extreme care is recommended.  It is important to know that what has just been described is fairly rare in adult relationships but rather more common when dealing with youth and the chronically immature.  In smaller and shorter doses it sometimes may be seen in those who have been taught to think of romantic love as something of an obsessive, possessive, insane state.

If you find yourself saying “I love you, and I can’t live without you” please examine why you want to say such a thing.  Is it just stylistic?  Is it a way to sound romantic?  Or does it represent how you really, strongly and consistently feel?  If it does you might want to consider making some changes and while you’re at it consider therapy.

Now, consider what this would mean.  Suppose you were to hear a lover say “I do not need you.  I just super, incredibly, fantastically want you!”  Or “Of course I don’t need you; I can take care of myself quite well.  I just happen to choose you above absolutely everyone else to be in my life, to share life with you, and to bring you as much joy as I can for as long as I can”.  Let me suggest that these represent healthier, and stronger, and more likely to be real, as well as healthful forms of love.  The “I can’t live without you” statement may represent weakness, a possible destructive addiction to a person, and a general psychopathological state devoid of any true real love.  The “I choose you and I want you” rather than “I need you” kinds of statements, from this mental health professional’s viewpoint are far more desirable.

As always – Grow in love.